Good Day

So far so good with getting off these pills. I felt so fresh and clear today. Granted, I'm still awake right now thinning of things, but not in a stressful way.

Feeling good. Not to mention Cesar was so helpful around the house today- washed his dishes, had dinner ready before I got home, took the trash out and was just really sweet and thoughtful. Even did my toothbrush for me.  I hope this is a positive indication of where we're
headed..

Also-
Leonel ate basically a full mum mum today. He's such a sweet boy.
I can't wait to introduce him to all kinds of things! I did webinar today about baby-led weaning and I got a lot out of it so hopefully we can start to implement that in the next couple weeks as he approaches the 6-month mark.

I love to read but I never do it

Reading is one of those hobbies that takes dedication and a certain amount of patience. As much as I love to read, I find that I struggle slowing down enough to take the time out of my day to focus and delve into a book.

At this point I'm so used to more instant and bombarding information- Facebook, Instagram, mobile app games, video games, TV, movies... while reading is such a... Quiet Hobby.

But I think that's exactly what I need right now in my life. There's so much noise both outside my body and inside my brain and reading to Leonel has really brought me a peace that I feel like I've been missing for so long.

The Name of the Wind is a book I borrowed from a coworker over a year ago. I started the book back when I borrowed it originally but then found out I was pregnant with Lionel and was very nauseated and sick all the time so I kind of just set it down and never picked it back up. But after me and Leonel finished the Little Prince, I realized that I was hungry for more...
Children's books are fine and fun for little kids who are learning to read, but for me who is simply reading to him, I need something more stimulating, more rich.

Slowly but surely me and Leonel are making our way through this book. I read to him a little bit every day or so and tonight sat down to do some independent reading. We're on a little bit over page 200 out of 660 pages.

I think I would love to set myself a goal to read 20 books by the end of the year. That doesn't seem like an unreasonable amount..

We shall see..

A few morning thoughts

Okay so I have been looking into buying a bunch of wooden and silicone beads to make my own teething necklaces and paci clips and I'm still obsessing over it but realizing maybe it's not the best place to put my money... even though I want to sooooo badly.
To the point I'm telling myself- okay well I'll sell them too on the side! That way it'll be worth it!
But I don't know how to market or advertise and there's probably a million Etsy stores also selling them so for me to stand out would be difficult. (But don't worry, I also was already having thoughts on how to make my teething things unique..) Point is.. I'm going to TRY to put it out of my mind for now. Me and Cesar are trying hard to build up our rainy day fund and spending money on beads that Leonel can only use for a few month seems... Wasteful? (Even though it would bring me great joy... hmm....)

Side note while thinking about joy, I stopped taking my SSRIs. I stopped a few days ago actually and yesterday just took half a pill (and these are tiny pills so half a pill is like half of a grain of uncooked rice). I already feel the difference. My thoughts, although still many and racing, are so much less cloudy. They're sharp and vivid. I can attach emotions to them. It's crazy to think how much impact only 25mg of a pill was having on me. I definitely think I needed it during that time I was still at home. My depression was getting very bad. but being back at work and eating better and moving more has really gotten me going again and I felt it was time to stop already. Since I was taking such a low dose, it wasn't really overly concerning to cut back. And so far so good.

I really do recognize I need to start making the time in the mornings to exercise. And yes, it needs to be in the morning. Too many opportunities for excuses in the evenings when I want to be with Leonel and Cesar or just be lazy because I'm tired from the day. I'm thinking just a 15 minute workout and then a quick rinse off. It would literally only ass 20-25 minutes to my morning routine and I feel like this is something I can achieve. Maybe M-T, and R-F? 4 days a week before work- to get me in the right mindset? Wednesdays are hard because I have to wake up earlier to take Leonel to my aunts. And honestly weekends are just so impractical for me. I know myself too well- by the weekend I just want to relax and sleep!! Tomorrow is Friday. So maybe I can set my alarm early and ask Cesar to help me wake up. We'll see how it goes.

A final thought- Christmas gifts. Can you believe I'm already thinking about them? But I think this goes hand in hand with my budgeting. If I wait until last minute, I end up spending more money because I don't have the time to make something or find great deals. So yes, I'm already contemplating this and I think I have some good ideas for my co-workers. Still nothing in mind yet for most of my family, but those will work themselves out.

Alrighty- Gotta go to work! Happy Thursday

For Me

Creating this blog.. for me.
Because I'm overwhelmed pretty much 90% of the time.. and the other 10% I'm keeping myself distracted from realizing how overwhelmed I am.

My life is everything I wanted, but I'm still thirsty for improvement all the time.

I have a wonderful son,
an amazing husband,
a beautiful home,
loving family,
a thrilling job...

But still I can't find the contentness I'm searching for.

I'm caught up in the endless To-Do list that never ends.

How to be mindful? How to be present in the moment?
Meditation?
Medication?

This is my journey to find that peace within